Post the Thirteenth: In Which Liz Contradicts Herself And Wants More

I found myself ogling the Apple store this morning.  Wanting to buy a Macbook and an iPod.  I've wanted an iPod for ages.  I want a Macbook because...

Because it will transform me into SuperMum who can do everything AND study!  I'll be able to write at will, study at will and keep on top of everything.  Because our possessions say something about us and a Macbook will say that I'm funky.  Intelligent.  Discerning.  Not a frumpy Mummy.  That I'm artsy.  A writer.  A learner.  I'll be able to actually take advantage of the free WiFi spots offered around the place.  Because it will make my life more interesting.

Am I just dreadfully sinful and envious or is there some deep-seated dissatisfaction that I need to deal with?  Or both?

Am I not living out the life God wants me to?  Am I stifling some of who God made me?  Quashing it to live the life I am living now? 

The life of a Stay-At-Home-Mum is where God wants me.  A homemaker and home-schooling parent and devoted wife.  I don't want to change those things, but I want more.  I want to be a person in my own right as well.

Sigh.  When will it end?  Knowing me, never.