I've wanted to write a curriculum on and off for years, going back to when I was still at Uni, and long before I'd even considered home-schooling. There's always the question of *what* to write, however.
I have a few ideas, and I think my first project will be a book list, for teaching different maths concepts to children from 3-7 years old. So it wont be a curriculum as much as a resource for other people to use. I've developed this list myself through working with my own children and finding books to teach them mathematics concepts.
I think my second project will be a phonics program, using the Bible. It will provide a list of letters and their sounds and Bible verses a word that uses the sound can be found in. Again, it's not a curriculum so much as a resource.
For a third project I think I will have a similar book list to the first, but some suggestions for teaching basic grammar concepts (such as questions, speech, nouns, exclamations etc). Although it's probably not necessary since most decent books would have good examples of most grammatical concepts, at least those needed at 3-7 years old!
Perhaps my third project will be editing (for common use) a game I've made for my children of "silly sentences". We've found some online but some of them aren't well constructed and so don't make a lot of sense with a significant proportion of the possible combinations.
They should give me enough to do in my spare time for now ;-)
Thursday, 13 May 2010
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Stressful Mornings
Mornings in our home tend to be stressful. I think it is because we have things that need to be done in the mornings and they need to be done efficiently so the rest of the day can run smoothly. Tasks need to be begun before we can start our "formal schooling" part of the day. The day works more smoothly if we can get "school" started by 8am... Except it takes a lot of (non-literal) whip-cracking to get children to fulfil their responsibilities in time (they have plenty of time to do their tasks, they just get distracted easily or completely ignore what they are asked to do).
Can I make mornings less stressful?
I think working to the clock less (ie everything must be done by 8am) will help although there still needs to be the sense of routine for the day. There still needs to be a sense of "these tasks need to be completed by x time" or else they will leave all their tasks until the end of the day and not get them completed.
I've made new charts for their responsibilities and I am hoping that will help motivate them and keep them "on task" while not feeling like we are at the mercy of the clock.
Can I make mornings less stressful?
I think working to the clock less (ie everything must be done by 8am) will help although there still needs to be the sense of routine for the day. There still needs to be a sense of "these tasks need to be completed by x time" or else they will leave all their tasks until the end of the day and not get them completed.
I've made new charts for their responsibilities and I am hoping that will help motivate them and keep them "on task" while not feeling like we are at the mercy of the clock.
My name is Liz and I'm a cranky mummy
I have an anger problem. I get angry and take it out on my children by yelling and screaming and by smacking in anger. For the last six days (today is day seven) I have been working on staying calm, not screaming and yelling and not smacking. Day one went well although I was completely exhausted by the end. The rest... has been more and more of a struggle. My eldest daughter in particular is really trying to spark my anger and is not coping well. I think we've (I've) taken the power away from her because her old tricks aren't getting the same result. She's chucking many tantrums every day and trying as hard as she can to make the day miserable, or so it seems.
Yesterday a *lot* went wrong over the first few hours of the day. I can't say I managed to keep my cool - inside I was very angry. However, it didn't come out of my mouth or come out via smacking... so from that perspective I kept my cool.
I need to find a better balance between getting angry (which involves yelling and screaming) and just being a bit too calm and not dealing with misdemeanours properly.
Will update with how my struggle is going.
Yesterday a *lot* went wrong over the first few hours of the day. I can't say I managed to keep my cool - inside I was very angry. However, it didn't come out of my mouth or come out via smacking... so from that perspective I kept my cool.
I need to find a better balance between getting angry (which involves yelling and screaming) and just being a bit too calm and not dealing with misdemeanours properly.
Will update with how my struggle is going.
Friday, 30 April 2010
Real life, what's that?
I want to engage myself in an experiment. I want to endeavour to spend my time with *real* people, not cyber people. I want to engage myself in real relationships not randomly interacting with anyone who happens to be on a particular website.
I'm not saying I'm going to stop communicating with anyone I have met on the web. I have built some good relationships with internet-friends. However, I am choosing to not spend my time communicating with people I don't know on the web.
So forums, blogs, facebook... they've all got to be cut back. Let's minimise mass communication in favour of PERSONAL communication :-).
I guess that's the difference with my online friendships - I now have *personal communication* with these people not just mass communcation.
I'm not saying I'm going to stop communicating with anyone I have met on the web. I have built some good relationships with internet-friends. However, I am choosing to not spend my time communicating with people I don't know on the web.
So forums, blogs, facebook... they've all got to be cut back. Let's minimise mass communication in favour of PERSONAL communication :-).
I guess that's the difference with my online friendships - I now have *personal communication* with these people not just mass communcation.
Thursday, 22 April 2010
My Incredible Life
On pondering what my incredible life would look like, the computer did not rate at all.
So why do I spend so much time on the computer?
FYI What my incredible life looks like is: (in no particular order)
Healthy body, healthy mind. Time and desire to play and read with adults (particularly hubby) and children (especially mine). Clean house. Good food. Good friends. No debt. 8 children (I don't know why but that number keeps popping into my head). No clutter. Mentoring and mentored. Love. Well behaved children. Energy. Peaceful. Passionate. Fun. Learning, always learning. Godly. Well done good and faithful servant.
So why do I spend so much time on the computer?
FYI What my incredible life looks like is: (in no particular order)
Healthy body, healthy mind. Time and desire to play and read with adults (particularly hubby) and children (especially mine). Clean house. Good food. Good friends. No debt. 8 children (I don't know why but that number keeps popping into my head). No clutter. Mentoring and mentored. Love. Well behaved children. Energy. Peaceful. Passionate. Fun. Learning, always learning. Godly. Well done good and faithful servant.
Friday, 19 March 2010
Linky Parade
I wanted to link back to a few articles I've written, rather than republish them here.
Babies, Sleep and Sleep Deprivation
The Benefits of No, The Benefits of Yes
Hard Homeschooling
And a general link back to my Articles page.
Happy Reading!
Babies, Sleep and Sleep Deprivation
The Benefits of No, The Benefits of Yes
Hard Homeschooling
And a general link back to my Articles page.
Happy Reading!
The attitude of *potential* deprivation
There is an attitude I see floating around home schooling parents a lot. That is the attitude of potential deprivation. It's not that we worry that our children are deprived - that they are missing out on some essential experience or learning, that their future hinges upon. It's that they *might* miss out on something or that they may feel that they missed out on something, when they become adults.
Certainly, some of our children may feel they were deprived of the classroom experience. They may be jealous of the hours other get to spend in the company of children-other-than-siblings. It's quite likely that some will feel that way.
It's also quite likely that some schooled children will feel they were deprived of their parents' attention, that they may have gotten had they been home schooled. Or feel deprived of endless hours to read or pursue areas of interest that their school and after-school-activity schedule doesn't allow.
It's also likely that some of our home schooled children will feel deprived of the experiences that other home schooled children have had. Some families will be able to afford to extend their cultural studies by visiting the country they are learning about. Some home schooled children have a very full schedule of classes and out-of-home activities that may be the envy of students who have a more home-based life.
Then again, schooled students may feel deprived of experiences afforded to other schooled students due to location, parental income, school attended, parents' working hours, a multitude of siblings or a lack thereof...
In fact, we humans are capable of feeling deprived in just about every situation.
The problem is not a dearth of educational experiences or social encounters. The problem is not going to be what you provided for your children educationally.
The problem is sin. It is a lack of contentedness. If Paul the Apostle can learn to be content whatever the circumstances (including imprisonment, stoning, shipwrecks etc) then surely we can.
So if we teach our children anything, let's start teaching them contentedness.
Certainly, some of our children may feel they were deprived of the classroom experience. They may be jealous of the hours other get to spend in the company of children-other-than-siblings. It's quite likely that some will feel that way.
It's also quite likely that some schooled children will feel they were deprived of their parents' attention, that they may have gotten had they been home schooled. Or feel deprived of endless hours to read or pursue areas of interest that their school and after-school-activity schedule doesn't allow.
It's also likely that some of our home schooled children will feel deprived of the experiences that other home schooled children have had. Some families will be able to afford to extend their cultural studies by visiting the country they are learning about. Some home schooled children have a very full schedule of classes and out-of-home activities that may be the envy of students who have a more home-based life.
Then again, schooled students may feel deprived of experiences afforded to other schooled students due to location, parental income, school attended, parents' working hours, a multitude of siblings or a lack thereof...
In fact, we humans are capable of feeling deprived in just about every situation.
The problem is not a dearth of educational experiences or social encounters. The problem is not going to be what you provided for your children educationally.
The problem is sin. It is a lack of contentedness. If Paul the Apostle can learn to be content whatever the circumstances (including imprisonment, stoning, shipwrecks etc) then surely we can.
So if we teach our children anything, let's start teaching them contentedness.
Thursday, 11 February 2010
Post the Sixteenth: In Which I Ponder My Ideal Day
I asked my blessings what they would like to do if they were the boss of a day and got to choose what would happen. My 2yo "Sweet Pea" said she would play. My 4yo "Mate" said he would play the Wii with everyone (if we had four wiimotes), play snap, play catch, soccer and football and play on the computer. And he'd like to choose what we ate for every meal and choose what everyone's jobs were. My 6yo "Princess" doesn't know. She's "still thinking". My 4mo "Muchacho" was too busy sucking his hand and hicoughing to answer.
Then I started pondering my answer. Trips to foreign countries, shopping sprees and being debt-free notwithstanding, when I place my desires in the realm of the possible I get this.
I want to have achieved something. Something more than just "treading water" by keeping up on housework or homeschooling. Maybe write an article that will be published. Maybe work hard in the garden and transform it in a day. Maybe get a room cleaned from top to bottom, cleaned out, reorganised and create something that works better for our family. Maybe read something that impacts me. Doing something to help someone in need. Creating something that will last.
Something that uses my annoying brain.
Then I started pondering my answer. Trips to foreign countries, shopping sprees and being debt-free notwithstanding, when I place my desires in the realm of the possible I get this.
I want to have achieved something. Something more than just "treading water" by keeping up on housework or homeschooling. Maybe write an article that will be published. Maybe work hard in the garden and transform it in a day. Maybe get a room cleaned from top to bottom, cleaned out, reorganised and create something that works better for our family. Maybe read something that impacts me. Doing something to help someone in need. Creating something that will last.
Something that uses my annoying brain.
Post The Fifteenth: I can't get no...
It was only two weeks ago I posted on a forum about being dissatisfied. It seemed to resolve and yet only a week and a half later (after seeming resolution) it's back with a vengeance.
A few weeks back I wrote some goals, things I'd regret not doing if I was to die... they were:
* Finish two craft projects I'm working on - one for my friend's baby (now completed) and one for my sister's baby.
* Have a book published. Although I decided later that even continuing to have articles published would probably suit me, so I guess continuing to work on my writing and be able to call myself a published writer.
* Be a loving, devoted wife to my wonderful husband.
* Be a great mother to my four (hopefully more!) children.
* Be a good home-maker.
* Teach all my children about God and have them following Him.
* LOVE!!!
* Teach my kids what they need to know about life.
* Learn to speak Spanish fluently.
* Give home-made or hand-made, meaningful gifts, not commercial crap.
* Eat YUMMY nutritious food.
* Laugh lots!
* Have fun.
* Be silly.
* Cuddle and kiss and tickle and touch my kids and my husband.
* Introduce my kids to great books and music.
* Dance and sing and not care what anyone else thinks about it.
* Take a zillion photos of my kids. And my husband and extended family.
* Spend heaps of time with my husband and children.
* Stop being cranky with my family and telling them to go away. (**Note. I don't often tell them literally "go away" although I've been known to on my worst sleep deprived days. But I don't like being a cranky, yelling Mummy, something I'm working on.)
* Go on a missions trip to South America.
* Be a Proverbs 31 woman.
* Live and die without regrets.
I want to be a part of something bigger than just being a homemaker and bringing up children. I'm not saying those things aren't important because they are important. I'm definitely not saying I want to stop being those things because I don't. But I want to be more.
Perhaps I need to be my own best friend and get some perspective. Maybe I just need to get better at seeing my small tasks from God's perspective. I need to work out what gifts God has given me and the work God has given me and stop trying to be someone I am not. If I know who I am I'll also know who I'm not. I think.
A few weeks back I wrote some goals, things I'd regret not doing if I was to die... they were:
* Finish two craft projects I'm working on - one for my friend's baby (now completed) and one for my sister's baby.
* Have a book published. Although I decided later that even continuing to have articles published would probably suit me, so I guess continuing to work on my writing and be able to call myself a published writer.
* Be a loving, devoted wife to my wonderful husband.
* Be a great mother to my four (hopefully more!) children.
* Be a good home-maker.
* Teach all my children about God and have them following Him.
* LOVE!!!
* Teach my kids what they need to know about life.
* Learn to speak Spanish fluently.
* Give home-made or hand-made, meaningful gifts, not commercial crap.
* Eat YUMMY nutritious food.
* Laugh lots!
* Have fun.
* Be silly.
* Cuddle and kiss and tickle and touch my kids and my husband.
* Introduce my kids to great books and music.
* Dance and sing and not care what anyone else thinks about it.
* Take a zillion photos of my kids. And my husband and extended family.
* Spend heaps of time with my husband and children.
* Stop being cranky with my family and telling them to go away. (**Note. I don't often tell them literally "go away" although I've been known to on my worst sleep deprived days. But I don't like being a cranky, yelling Mummy, something I'm working on.)
* Go on a missions trip to South America.
* Be a Proverbs 31 woman.
* Live and die without regrets.
I want to be a part of something bigger than just being a homemaker and bringing up children. I'm not saying those things aren't important because they are important. I'm definitely not saying I want to stop being those things because I don't. But I want to be more.
Perhaps I need to be my own best friend and get some perspective. Maybe I just need to get better at seeing my small tasks from God's perspective. I need to work out what gifts God has given me and the work God has given me and stop trying to be someone I am not. If I know who I am I'll also know who I'm not. I think.
Post the Fourteenth: In Which I Internally Cry And Scream And Tear My Hair Out
I'm so frustrated. Will I ever just be satisfied?
How can I be satisfied? What will satisfy me?
I don't know who God made me to be and I don't know why and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life and all the abilities He gave me, whatever they are... I don't know what to do with my stupid brain that wont stop thinking and asking and analysing. Surely it's meant for more than writing a blog no one will ever read because I'm always too scared to put myself out there.
How can I be satisfied? What will satisfy me?
I don't know who God made me to be and I don't know why and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life and all the abilities He gave me, whatever they are... I don't know what to do with my stupid brain that wont stop thinking and asking and analysing. Surely it's meant for more than writing a blog no one will ever read because I'm always too scared to put myself out there.
Post the Thirteenth: In Which Liz Contradicts Herself And Wants More
I found myself ogling the Apple store this morning. Wanting to buy a Macbook and an iPod. I've wanted an iPod for ages. I want a Macbook because...
Because it will transform me into SuperMum who can do everything AND study! I'll be able to write at will, study at will and keep on top of everything. Because our possessions say something about us and a Macbook will say that I'm funky. Intelligent. Discerning. Not a frumpy Mummy. That I'm artsy. A writer. A learner. I'll be able to actually take advantage of the free WiFi spots offered around the place. Because it will make my life more interesting.
Am I just dreadfully sinful and envious or is there some deep-seated dissatisfaction that I need to deal with? Or both?
Am I not living out the life God wants me to? Am I stifling some of who God made me? Quashing it to live the life I am living now?
The life of a Stay-At-Home-Mum is where God wants me. A homemaker and home-schooling parent and devoted wife. I don't want to change those things, but I want more. I want to be a person in my own right as well.
Sigh. When will it end? Knowing me, never.
Because it will transform me into SuperMum who can do everything AND study! I'll be able to write at will, study at will and keep on top of everything. Because our possessions say something about us and a Macbook will say that I'm funky. Intelligent. Discerning. Not a frumpy Mummy. That I'm artsy. A writer. A learner. I'll be able to actually take advantage of the free WiFi spots offered around the place. Because it will make my life more interesting.
Am I just dreadfully sinful and envious or is there some deep-seated dissatisfaction that I need to deal with? Or both?
Am I not living out the life God wants me to? Am I stifling some of who God made me? Quashing it to live the life I am living now?
The life of a Stay-At-Home-Mum is where God wants me. A homemaker and home-schooling parent and devoted wife. I don't want to change those things, but I want more. I want to be a person in my own right as well.
Sigh. When will it end? Knowing me, never.
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
Post the Twelfth: Home-Making and House-Keeping
While I was typing something else into my address bar in Firefox, this blog post appeared in the drop down menu. It was a timely reminder about my responsibilities in the home.
Do I honour my beloved husband by the way I care for our home, or does he feel disrespect due to mess? Do I let trivial, idle things distract me from my purpose on earth and in our home? Do I place greater value on digital relationships than the relationships I have with my flesh-and-blood blessings?
I only wish I'd rediscovered this post a few weeks back when I was struggling with envy and bogged down in the repetitiveness of my daily tasks.
And just a note, the blog post is on the blog of a Catholic homeschooling mother. I don't condone all of the views, religious or otherwise, on that blog.
Do I honour my beloved husband by the way I care for our home, or does he feel disrespect due to mess? Do I let trivial, idle things distract me from my purpose on earth and in our home? Do I place greater value on digital relationships than the relationships I have with my flesh-and-blood blessings?
I only wish I'd rediscovered this post a few weeks back when I was struggling with envy and bogged down in the repetitiveness of my daily tasks.
And just a note, the blog post is on the blog of a Catholic homeschooling mother. I don't condone all of the views, religious or otherwise, on that blog.
Post The Eleventh: My Girls, As Promised
Post The Tenth: Random Musings on Generosity and Possessions
I think we have too much "stuff". Too many possessions, too many things. The more we have the more space we need to store it. The more we have the more time we spend looking at, using, looking after, cleaning and packing away these items. We spend money upgrading or adding on to our possessions, or collecting more of the same.
We waste energy worrying about our possessions. Am I using it to its fullest potential? Is it big enough, fast enough, efficient enough to do the job? Will it break down and I will be left in the lurch? Will someone steal it? Will it get damaged by fire? Flood? Children? (LOL)
In all our worry, we beging to value our possessions much more than we should. We forget generosity. God is able to provide for His children, and does. Giving things away is freeing because we no longer need to worry about that possession. We don't have the burden of protecting it. We don't have the responsibility to care for it. We don't have to store it, trip over it or wonder what to do about it if we no longer need it.
God is a generous God. He freely gives to us blessings we do not deserve. We are to be like Him, and one of the ways we can be like God is to be generous.
We can be generous by donating possessions to charities for them to give to needy families or sell and use the revenue to help the needy. However, generosity is much more meaningful when it is personal. While you can thank God for a great find at an op shop (something that you needed/had been looking for that you found for a great price) I find that thankfulness overflows all the more when someone *gives* us something, no strings attached.
Let's bless others by being generous with what we have. We can never outgive God!
We waste energy worrying about our possessions. Am I using it to its fullest potential? Is it big enough, fast enough, efficient enough to do the job? Will it break down and I will be left in the lurch? Will someone steal it? Will it get damaged by fire? Flood? Children? (LOL)
In all our worry, we beging to value our possessions much more than we should. We forget generosity. God is able to provide for His children, and does. Giving things away is freeing because we no longer need to worry about that possession. We don't have the burden of protecting it. We don't have the responsibility to care for it. We don't have to store it, trip over it or wonder what to do about it if we no longer need it.
God is a generous God. He freely gives to us blessings we do not deserve. We are to be like Him, and one of the ways we can be like God is to be generous.
We can be generous by donating possessions to charities for them to give to needy families or sell and use the revenue to help the needy. However, generosity is much more meaningful when it is personal. While you can thank God for a great find at an op shop (something that you needed/had been looking for that you found for a great price) I find that thankfulness overflows all the more when someone *gives* us something, no strings attached.
Let's bless others by being generous with what we have. We can never outgive God!
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
Post The Ninth: My Boys
Will add some pics of my gorgeous girls tomorrow, time permitting.
Post The Seventh: In Which Liz Plays With Photo Uploading
Post the Sixth: Al the Owl
Al has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Our mothers went to Teacher's College together and stayed friends. Born one year and one week after me, I cannot possibly remember life before Al because, there really wasn't any.
We slept at each others' houses. Went to each others' baptism/confirmation services. Went to each others' birthdays. Kept each other awake. OK. I kept Al awake. She was always falling asleep before me. We confided our deepest secrets, in the dark of course. Al was the only bridesmaid at our wedding and is godmother to my gorgeous two-year-old.
Now Al, crazy, funky, friendly Al, is moving. Not just to another city or even another state. No, Al is moving to the other side of the world. Boston, to be precise. We have about six more months before my young friend packs up for a grand adventure and leaves me behind.
I am very excited for her. She gets to experience life in another country, in a different climate. She gets to study for free and make new friends and discover new places. Of course, the excitement is bitter-sweet. I want so much for her to go and enjoy this new part of her life, but I don't want to lose her.
You see, as dearly as I love Al, we all know she has her faults. As do I. Al is not the most reliable person on earth. Sure, you can rely on her for a listening ear, a hug or phone call, but she's not the best at remembering to call or not double-booking herself. And hey, this unpredictability is what makes Al the crazy person we all love. But in it all, in her new exciting life in the United States, I worry that she'll forget me. Not forget me altogether, but forget to call, forget to write, forget to chat on Skype when we've arranged to. I want her to move to the US and I want her to move on from her life here but I don't want her to move on from me, from our relationship, from all the history we share. I don't want her to forget her god-daughter, my precious toddler. But I have absolutely not control over that.
We slept at each others' houses. Went to each others' baptism/confirmation services. Went to each others' birthdays. Kept each other awake. OK. I kept Al awake. She was always falling asleep before me. We confided our deepest secrets, in the dark of course. Al was the only bridesmaid at our wedding and is godmother to my gorgeous two-year-old.
Now Al, crazy, funky, friendly Al, is moving. Not just to another city or even another state. No, Al is moving to the other side of the world. Boston, to be precise. We have about six more months before my young friend packs up for a grand adventure and leaves me behind.
I am very excited for her. She gets to experience life in another country, in a different climate. She gets to study for free and make new friends and discover new places. Of course, the excitement is bitter-sweet. I want so much for her to go and enjoy this new part of her life, but I don't want to lose her.
You see, as dearly as I love Al, we all know she has her faults. As do I. Al is not the most reliable person on earth. Sure, you can rely on her for a listening ear, a hug or phone call, but she's not the best at remembering to call or not double-booking herself. And hey, this unpredictability is what makes Al the crazy person we all love. But in it all, in her new exciting life in the United States, I worry that she'll forget me. Not forget me altogether, but forget to call, forget to write, forget to chat on Skype when we've arranged to. I want her to move to the US and I want her to move on from her life here but I don't want her to move on from me, from our relationship, from all the history we share. I don't want her to forget her god-daughter, my precious toddler. But I have absolutely not control over that.
Post the Fifth: Modesty
A series of posts I made to a forum which I have hopefully tied into a vaugely cohesive blog post.
I find it so hard to find good quality, modest clothes. I really need to buy myself some new clothes but I find it hard to justify the cost when I am trying to lose weight - hopefully a good 10kg this year.
Also, I have two daughters and I find it almost impossible to find them appropriate clothing.
Personally, I dont wear pants. Well I do own a few pairs. I have a pair of jeans that I sometimes wear under a skirt or dress. I have a pair of exercise pants that I wear for riding a bike or aerobics classes - neither of which I have done in a few years. But I wear mostly skirts and a few dresses (hard to find many dresses that are breastfeeding-friendly though). Skirts need to be at least knee length - mostly as I've switched to wearing skirts I've worked out that any shorter is too hard to be modest in while caring for little children and taking care of our home. I also don't show my cleavage to people! If you can see the crease between my breasts then my shirt is WAY too low cut. A lot of shirts and dresses I end up wearing a singlet underneath.
My boys... They don't wear clothes with skulls on them or inappropriate slogans (like "I'm a little monster"). They have shirts on all the time too. My girls... skirts or dresses, with shorts or bike pants or leggings or thick winter stockings underneath for modesty as necessary. I don't like any crude slogans on their shirts like "Drama Queen" etc.
Oh and everyone's clothes (shirts or dresses) have sleeves. Partly as a sun safety thing anyway but also for modesty.
When swimming the kids and I wear rash shirts and boardies over our swimmers. Again partly sun safety, partly modesty.
I want to make it clear that while I feel that this is the most God-honouring way for me and my family to dress, I don't condemn Christian women who dress differently - ie wear pants etc. I do have difficulty understanding married, Christian women who wear very revealing clothing but that is between them and God (and all the men who sin by looking at them lustfully... hmm... that's a whole 'nother post... I'll step down from my soap-box).
I am not wonderful at sewing but I have sewn myself a few skirts before. I find the fastenings the most difficult part - I'm no good at sewing zippers in! The more I think about it, the more I think I need to get myself some sewing lessons and a sewing machine and sew our clothes. Op shopping unfortunately doesn't yield a lot that is modest and not completely ugly (especially in my size). I think I will sew some skirts, but shirts and dresses are the problem. I like to wear dresses but there aren't many that are breastfeeding-friendly.
I am trusting God for provision and I've been praying for some more clothes, and some ingenuity to make my current, limited wardrobe work. Current because I don't want to spend a fortune on fabric on something that wont fit in six months because I've lost weight. Limited because at least half of my clothes don't fit at the moment and I've had to discard some with holes, some are getting a bit see-through from a lot of wear etc.
Even when I lose weight, a lot of my clothes are wearing out from being worn so much. But I can justify the investment more when I know I'll get more wear out of them.
My conversation with DH re this was enlightening. He'd like me to wear more feminine clothes and some more feminine colours (standard wardrobe being denim, dark green and brown). We're going to have to trust God for the provision of those (even thru great op shop purchases) because we can't afford to do a wardrobe revamp. Plus also perhaps wearing different combinations of clothes to make them look more feminine or using accessories I might already have. Creativity is the order of the day I think :-).
- - - - - -
I don't know what has made me so scared of looking different these days.
As a teen I still wanted to look good but was happy having my own sort of style.
I guess as an adult I still feel like I'm kind of "finding myself" as far as a style of clothing goes. The journey towards modesty didn't even start until after #2 was born. Up until then I wore pants almost always (actually he was almost 1yo when this all started).
So the almost-ubiquitous jeans were replaced by denim skirts. Shirts stayed kind of the same although looser.
In 2008, after losing a lot of weight, I bought some more feminine skirts - some tiered cotton ones (from Tree of Life) but they keep tearing a lot.
I like dressing femininely and looking feminine but it wasn't really how I was brought up. So I still need to work on moving and sitting/standing in a more feminine way because it's not how I grew up. I still need to work out what I feel comfortable in and what suits me while still looking feminine. And some of the modest outfits available online are nice but in some ways too obviously modest. I want to be modest without making the statement that says "See how modest I am" and "I'm very different from you" by my clothes. Feminine doesn't have to equal peter pan collars! LOL! and some of those styles of dress aren't all that feminine anyway...
More things to ponder...
One can be modest and still not really be that different to men - it is easy to be modest and still lack femininity. So femininity, with modesty, is what I am working on at the moment.
I guess the other thing is that while the Bible makes it clear that women should dress like women, and men like men, and also makes clear that we are to be modest and discreet, it doesn't set out guidelines for hemlines, sleeve length and so on.
So as long as a woman is modest, discreet and dressing like a woman, then I think the rest of it is freedom. I personally choose not to wear pants (on the whole) because of the way they make me feel, which is a way that is not what would please God.
I find it so hard to find good quality, modest clothes. I really need to buy myself some new clothes but I find it hard to justify the cost when I am trying to lose weight - hopefully a good 10kg this year.
Also, I have two daughters and I find it almost impossible to find them appropriate clothing.
Personally, I dont wear pants. Well I do own a few pairs. I have a pair of jeans that I sometimes wear under a skirt or dress. I have a pair of exercise pants that I wear for riding a bike or aerobics classes - neither of which I have done in a few years. But I wear mostly skirts and a few dresses (hard to find many dresses that are breastfeeding-friendly though). Skirts need to be at least knee length - mostly as I've switched to wearing skirts I've worked out that any shorter is too hard to be modest in while caring for little children and taking care of our home. I also don't show my cleavage to people! If you can see the crease between my breasts then my shirt is WAY too low cut. A lot of shirts and dresses I end up wearing a singlet underneath.
My boys... They don't wear clothes with skulls on them or inappropriate slogans (like "I'm a little monster"). They have shirts on all the time too. My girls... skirts or dresses, with shorts or bike pants or leggings or thick winter stockings underneath for modesty as necessary. I don't like any crude slogans on their shirts like "Drama Queen" etc.
Oh and everyone's clothes (shirts or dresses) have sleeves. Partly as a sun safety thing anyway but also for modesty.
When swimming the kids and I wear rash shirts and boardies over our swimmers. Again partly sun safety, partly modesty.
I want to make it clear that while I feel that this is the most God-honouring way for me and my family to dress, I don't condemn Christian women who dress differently - ie wear pants etc. I do have difficulty understanding married, Christian women who wear very revealing clothing but that is between them and God (and all the men who sin by looking at them lustfully... hmm... that's a whole 'nother post... I'll step down from my soap-box).
I am not wonderful at sewing but I have sewn myself a few skirts before. I find the fastenings the most difficult part - I'm no good at sewing zippers in! The more I think about it, the more I think I need to get myself some sewing lessons and a sewing machine and sew our clothes. Op shopping unfortunately doesn't yield a lot that is modest and not completely ugly (especially in my size). I think I will sew some skirts, but shirts and dresses are the problem. I like to wear dresses but there aren't many that are breastfeeding-friendly.
I am trusting God for provision and I've been praying for some more clothes, and some ingenuity to make my current, limited wardrobe work. Current because I don't want to spend a fortune on fabric on something that wont fit in six months because I've lost weight. Limited because at least half of my clothes don't fit at the moment and I've had to discard some with holes, some are getting a bit see-through from a lot of wear etc.
Even when I lose weight, a lot of my clothes are wearing out from being worn so much. But I can justify the investment more when I know I'll get more wear out of them.
My conversation with DH re this was enlightening. He'd like me to wear more feminine clothes and some more feminine colours (standard wardrobe being denim, dark green and brown). We're going to have to trust God for the provision of those (even thru great op shop purchases) because we can't afford to do a wardrobe revamp. Plus also perhaps wearing different combinations of clothes to make them look more feminine or using accessories I might already have. Creativity is the order of the day I think :-).
- - - - - -
I don't know what has made me so scared of looking different these days.
As a teen I still wanted to look good but was happy having my own sort of style.
I guess as an adult I still feel like I'm kind of "finding myself" as far as a style of clothing goes. The journey towards modesty didn't even start until after #2 was born. Up until then I wore pants almost always (actually he was almost 1yo when this all started).
So the almost-ubiquitous jeans were replaced by denim skirts. Shirts stayed kind of the same although looser.
In 2008, after losing a lot of weight, I bought some more feminine skirts - some tiered cotton ones (from Tree of Life) but they keep tearing a lot.
I like dressing femininely and looking feminine but it wasn't really how I was brought up. So I still need to work on moving and sitting/standing in a more feminine way because it's not how I grew up. I still need to work out what I feel comfortable in and what suits me while still looking feminine. And some of the modest outfits available online are nice but in some ways too obviously modest. I want to be modest without making the statement that says "See how modest I am" and "I'm very different from you" by my clothes. Feminine doesn't have to equal peter pan collars! LOL! and some of those styles of dress aren't all that feminine anyway...
More things to ponder...
One can be modest and still not really be that different to men - it is easy to be modest and still lack femininity. So femininity, with modesty, is what I am working on at the moment.
I guess the other thing is that while the Bible makes it clear that women should dress like women, and men like men, and also makes clear that we are to be modest and discreet, it doesn't set out guidelines for hemlines, sleeve length and so on.
So as long as a woman is modest, discreet and dressing like a woman, then I think the rest of it is freedom. I personally choose not to wear pants (on the whole) because of the way they make me feel, which is a way that is not what would please God.
Post the Fourth: Rest
Isaiah 30:15 This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.
I don't know how to rest. I get bored. Restless. I'm not good at using my time though when I'm not resting either - probably partly because I don't get enough rest. Sitting at the computer is not restful, although I tend to fall back on it, in the absence of rest.
We practice a Sabbath day or "Resting Day" as we call it. For one day, (dinner Saturday to dinner Sunday) no housework is required. We turn off our computers. We spend time together as a family. And, of course, we go to Church.
And even then, I can't rest. If we're at home, there is always work to be done and even if I am not doing it, I feel like I *should* be doing it. Which is not restful. Not on a deep level.
For example, one Sunday we volunteered at the last minute to baby sit three extra kids, so their parents could sleep after a sleepless night. Now, we did this out of love and concern for the people involved. I don't regret doing it. However, I think it's indicative of my tendency to not rest!
I am not one of those high energy people - the ones that have to be doing a craft project while they watch tv, and volunteer on seventeen different committees etc. I need rest, but I can't work out how to get it.
At the moment, I am struggling with low supply of breast-milk. I need to rest my body. My mind does not rest. Without sufficient physical activity during the day I find that I don't sleep well, or at least don't fall asleep as easily. So, it becomes self-defeating.
Rest also takes time. Time I could be doing other things. I allow times in the day to rest, but if I rest outside of these times the work builds up and I can't be restful knowing there is a disaster waiting in the kitchen. With four children the work is never ending.
So... how do I learn to rest?
Post the Third: In Which I Accept Who God Made Me
You know one really good thing you do Liz?
You think things through so thoroughly and ask hard questions.
Good on you. You'll get to the bottom of it.
Keep persevering.
Jess, you inspired at least 2/3 of the title of this blog. The last part comes from me resigning myself to who I am. To giving in. This is who I am. I struggle with things and ask big questions and frustrate myself to tears in trying to find answers for them. It's exhausting but I need to keep wrestling with those questions and their answers. And in turn, wrestling with God.
Post the Second: In Which I Ponder Whether This Blog Is Indeed Counter-Productive
I want real friends. With skin on. Friends I can hug and call on the phone and play with their kids and lend books to and cook for and clean their kitchens or hang their washing on the line while we chat. Online buddies are great, but they don't replace real life friends.
But if everyone reads this blog, there wont be a need for real life sharing because they will know what is going on for me already. They will know my pain without being there with me to share the moment. Care for someone after reading about what is going on is very different to caring for someone while they are sharing their pain, right there in the room with you.
If I blog through my pain and my questions and my frustrations, will there be anything left to share? Will it lose its rawness in repetition? Will I make real life friends redundant? Or at least feel redundant?
But if everyone reads this blog, there wont be a need for real life sharing because they will know what is going on for me already. They will know my pain without being there with me to share the moment. Care for someone after reading about what is going on is very different to caring for someone while they are sharing their pain, right there in the room with you.
If I blog through my pain and my questions and my frustrations, will there be anything left to share? Will it lose its rawness in repetition? Will I make real life friends redundant? Or at least feel redundant?
Post the First: In Which I Plunge Head First Into The Deep End
To set the scene.
I've posted on a forum I frequent. It started as a prayer request as my breast-milk supply had dried up. The contributing factors were (largely) antibiotics I was on and reducing my food intake to try to lose weight.
The dear members on the board were trying to encourage me to rest up, take it easy and leave the thought of losing weight for another time.
I've been able to lose some weight (or sometimes all) while breastfeeding, so it's never been an issue. The timing is up to God but there are likely more babies on the horizon. I can't afford to be this heavy and fall pregnant. Especially since I always have a significant amount of weight to lose after the baby.
I don't know how to.
I *know* you're not trying to simplify things and that you are giving me sound advice, especially sound on the information I've given.
**deep breath**
It's not that simple. It never is.
In many ways, I feel like I've gotten into a really good place. Over Christmas we developed a routine using MOTH that keeps the house running nicely, has school taken care of etc. With that and some self-discipline I feel like I am managing my home well and honouring my husband in keeping the house kept up. My house gets disgusting when I am depressed so I can't let it get like that because I don't want to go there again.
I can't let my house get like that again. I am not super obsessively clean in reaction though. Anyone who walked into my house right now would laugh at that proposition. I feel like I have slain some personal demons or conquered some dragons or climbed some mountains or something. All with God's help of course. But it feels like you (or my body or whoever, not accusing you) are asking me to give into those things again. I don't want to give up a hard-won victory.
In a similar vein, I really felt like the antibiotics last week were a gift from God. I had to take them an hour before eating which meant enduring some hunger at times. It was enforced discipline, which enabled me to build better self discipline. I seemed to be conquering my excessive snacking and excessive eating. And now I've had to give into those things once again to be able to feed my baby.
It's not about looking good in a bikini
It's not about vanity. It's not even entirely about health. It goes much deeper than that. It's a spiritual thing and an emotional thing and a "Who I am" thing. I don't want to be fat forever. I don't want that to be a part of my identity. I really felt like I was growing and maturing and becoming something different and better, still me but without this awful baggage and burden I've been carrying around forever. I don't want to go back there.
So when people say "rest. forget about the house work. stop exercising. eat junk and just veg for a while" it's not just saying to take it easy. It's saying to tear down the work I have toiled for. Sure, God is there and has helped me but he never says we're exempt from hard work. I could have only done it through His strength. But it has taken hard work, tears, sweat, prayer, hours out of my life that I can never get back. Sometimes hours that have taken away from other things that are important to me - my dear husband, my four beautiful blessings, my friends (well that's another story)...
It's like if my hubby, who is four years into a degree that will take him five years,start-to-finish, deciding to quit now. We've sacrificed time together, head space, money, family time, and who knows what else, to enable him to study. We believe it is worth the sacrifice for having the degree... but to have sacrificed it all and still have no degree... then all that sacrifice and hard work was for nothing.
Then, in a subsequent post but following on from the first:
Friends. I don't really have many. Not really any IRL that I can be open and honest with. Part of the problem is me. What I'm doing now, the stuff I'm typing now, I can't say it. Or when I do I end up saying stuff in a deadpan sort of way that minimises the pain that is behind it all and so no one takes me seriously. Even DH... of course I share stuff with him but it's either typed or at night, in bed, in the dark. I cry in front of no one except DH. And I used to cry in front of my parents when they yelled at me (not on purpose but that's about the only other time I cry). It's not that I purposely, intentionally stop myself it's just that...I can't. And yet I was in tears numerous times while I wrote that previous post.
There have been relationships in the past where I've been more open and for various reasons they have all fallen apart. One because there was an intentional lack of reciprocity and gradually a purposeful sabotage of the relationship. Which she admitted to and I had no idea about, I just knew that it wasn't working. Everyone has lives of their own and no time to help or chat or ... not be a shoulder to cry on because even if they were available how do you take a relationship from the level of "yeah we have lots in common and we chat well about kids etc when we get together" to deep sharing. Mostly it takes time. But apart from my one lifelong friend who is moving to the US in August, I don't have friends with whom I have years spent with. And everyone is so busy these days.
I came across this quote today - it was just in the comments of a blog post I read here...
I want some IRL friends and I don't want to satisfy myself with "That's not the way our culture works anymore". I don't want to just get together for a playdate and a coffee (or tea
) I want to make real connections and be open and honest and EMOTIONAL with someone. Someone so my husband doesn't have to bear the full burden of my overwhelming-ness. Someone else
Maybe I need my own personal, emotional blog. Still, it doesn't help me find someone to be real with in real life...
So this, dear readers, is the genesis of and purpose for this blog.
I've posted on a forum I frequent. It started as a prayer request as my breast-milk supply had dried up. The contributing factors were (largely) antibiotics I was on and reducing my food intake to try to lose weight.
The dear members on the board were trying to encourage me to rest up, take it easy and leave the thought of losing weight for another time.
Yes, of course it is and you do, but it's surely not that urgent. Many women say they can lose some weight while breastfeeding, but not all of it. I never could.
I've been able to lose some weight (or sometimes all) while breastfeeding, so it's never been an issue. The timing is up to God but there are likely more babies on the horizon. I can't afford to be this heavy and fall pregnant. Especially since I always have a significant amount of weight to lose after the baby.
Liz, slow down and be patient with yourself.
I don't know how to.
Really, give yourself a break.
I *know* you're not trying to simplify things and that you are giving me sound advice, especially sound on the information I've given.
**deep breath**
It's not that simple. It never is.
In many ways, I feel like I've gotten into a really good place. Over Christmas we developed a routine using MOTH that keeps the house running nicely, has school taken care of etc. With that and some self-discipline I feel like I am managing my home well and honouring my husband in keeping the house kept up. My house gets disgusting when I am depressed so I can't let it get like that because I don't want to go there again.
I can't let my house get like that again. I am not super obsessively clean in reaction though. Anyone who walked into my house right now would laugh at that proposition. I feel like I have slain some personal demons or conquered some dragons or climbed some mountains or something. All with God's help of course. But it feels like you (or my body or whoever, not accusing you) are asking me to give into those things again. I don't want to give up a hard-won victory.
In a similar vein, I really felt like the antibiotics last week were a gift from God. I had to take them an hour before eating which meant enduring some hunger at times. It was enforced discipline, which enabled me to build better self discipline. I seemed to be conquering my excessive snacking and excessive eating. And now I've had to give into those things once again to be able to feed my baby.
It's not about looking good in a bikini
It's not about vanity. It's not even entirely about health. It goes much deeper than that. It's a spiritual thing and an emotional thing and a "Who I am" thing. I don't want to be fat forever. I don't want that to be a part of my identity. I really felt like I was growing and maturing and becoming something different and better, still me but without this awful baggage and burden I've been carrying around forever. I don't want to go back there. So when people say "rest. forget about the house work. stop exercising. eat junk and just veg for a while" it's not just saying to take it easy. It's saying to tear down the work I have toiled for. Sure, God is there and has helped me but he never says we're exempt from hard work. I could have only done it through His strength. But it has taken hard work, tears, sweat, prayer, hours out of my life that I can never get back. Sometimes hours that have taken away from other things that are important to me - my dear husband, my four beautiful blessings, my friends (well that's another story)...
It's like if my hubby, who is four years into a degree that will take him five years,start-to-finish, deciding to quit now. We've sacrificed time together, head space, money, family time, and who knows what else, to enable him to study. We believe it is worth the sacrifice for having the degree... but to have sacrificed it all and still have no degree... then all that sacrifice and hard work was for nothing.
Friends. I don't really have many. Not really any IRL that I can be open and honest with. Part of the problem is me. What I'm doing now, the stuff I'm typing now, I can't say it. Or when I do I end up saying stuff in a deadpan sort of way that minimises the pain that is behind it all and so no one takes me seriously. Even DH... of course I share stuff with him but it's either typed or at night, in bed, in the dark. I cry in front of no one except DH. And I used to cry in front of my parents when they yelled at me (not on purpose but that's about the only other time I cry). It's not that I purposely, intentionally stop myself it's just that...I can't. And yet I was in tears numerous times while I wrote that previous post.
There have been relationships in the past where I've been more open and for various reasons they have all fallen apart. One because there was an intentional lack of reciprocity and gradually a purposeful sabotage of the relationship. Which she admitted to and I had no idea about, I just knew that it wasn't working. Everyone has lives of their own and no time to help or chat or ... not be a shoulder to cry on because even if they were available how do you take a relationship from the level of "yeah we have lots in common and we chat well about kids etc when we get together" to deep sharing. Mostly it takes time. But apart from my one lifelong friend who is moving to the US in August, I don't have friends with whom I have years spent with. And everyone is so busy these days.
I came across this quote today - it was just in the comments of a blog post I read here...
"Technology can be friend or foe, but it gets me through the day
sometimes. Naturally, I'd prefer to spend it with realife people, but
that's not the way our culture works anymore, and I can either work
myself into a corner about it, saying there's just nothing I can do for
friends, or I can talk to strangers on my blog"
I want some IRL friends and I don't want to satisfy myself with "That's not the way our culture works anymore". I don't want to just get together for a playdate and a coffee (or tea
) I want to make real connections and be open and honest and EMOTIONAL with someone. Someone so my husband doesn't have to bear the full burden of my overwhelming-ness. Someone else who think(s) things through so thoroughly and ask(s) hard questionswould be nice. Someone who doesn't think I'm crazy when I analyse everything.
Maybe I need my own personal, emotional blog. Still, it doesn't help me find someone to be real with in real life...
So this, dear readers, is the genesis of and purpose for this blog.
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